am sometimes glad I say things out loud cause I think I did actually need to be told that it is not a good idea to send someone a text message asking if you are on the friend track or make out track.
read books, no naps, clean the thing, reach out to all sudden new least favorites, detail plans for kissing a dozen different people, figure out a lot of things to be excited about and then do them
meant to type “this thing is all in my head”/actually typed “this thing is all in my bed”
YOU HATE YOURSELF MOST EVERYONE ELSE HATES YOU TOO THE PEOPLE YOU THINK ARE GREAT THINK YOU’RE REALLY ANNOYING YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR OWN BRAIN WORKS YOU WILL FAIL EVERYTHING YOU WILL NEVER HAVE FUN WITH YOUR CRUSH AGAIN YOU WILL PROBABLY HANG OUT MORE BUT IT WONT BE FUN BECAUSE YOU ARE REALLY GOOD AT RUINING EXCELLENT THINGS YOU SHOULD PROBABLY JUMP INTO THAT LAKE YOUR PROFESSOR HATES YOU AND YOU DID THE FINAL PROJECT WRONG WHY DIDNT YOU TRY HARDER IT IS MATHAMATICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO PASS THIS CLASS NOW YOU MIGHT DIE BEFORE CLASS IS OVER CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE CONTINUING TO EXIST YOU ARE MISERABLE WHY CAN’T YOU DO THINGS THAT YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT IT’S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL
(and you guys, i am fine except for not knowing how to deal with the fact that school is really poisonous for me. my anxiety is not this triggered by anything except for school. a good question to explore would be “why the fuck am i in school again?”)
i’m into really sincerely telling friends how much i like them and then also being a big jerk sometimes.
does it mean i’m regressing if it’s bumming me out I have no one at work to make punk jokes with?
can’t personally and privately admit anything to myself that i don’t want whoever else knowing because GOD IF I DON’T JUST TELL EVERYONE EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME.
stuck in a weird loop where i don’t know how i feel cause i have to avoid committing certain things to memory
I Touched A Lot of Faces Last Night: The Lindsey Story
i had a really good night last night, it was the above.